|"Retirement home? Go to hell! But could you take me to a vet? Because these pythons are SICK!"|
Loyd Church, an 81 year old North Carolina resident was busy doing what men his age do: gardening his cucumbers. If you are about to pass judgment for his gardening hobby, keep on reading.
Midway through his daily task of tending to his garden, Church noticed some rattling. According to his own words, "I was picking cucumbers, and he was hiding up under them vines". "He" being a rather large Copperhead snake. The snake lashed out and bit Church between his thumb and index finger. Rather than panic, or simply keel over, Church maintained a calm composure and decided what he needed to do. Go to a doctor? Hell no, Church states that he avoids going to the doctor at all costs.
The following is another example of a reptile making the poor, poor choice of screwing with the elderly. Gary Murphy, 72, was in his Palm City, FL home when he heard his beloved terrier, "Doogie", whimpering in the back yard. Murphy, wearing nothing but his loafers, waltzed into his back yard to find that his precious Doogie was firmly clamped in the jaws of a 6 foot alligator. Granted, 6 feet isn't too long for a gator, but this man was 72 freaking years old, and an alligator is still a god-damned alligator, no matter what size.
|"Why don't you just answer the door, pussy? It's only six feet or so!"|
#2 - 100 Years Old and Still Kicking
Buster Martin is 100 years old. 100 god damned years old. The fact that he is able to walk is a miracle, but he showed a gang of teenage muggers that he could do much more than walk. After a night at the pub in Denmark Hill, London, Martin called it a night and started to head home. Once outside, the group of teens approached Martin and pushed him against a wall, demanding his money. Martin probably followed this request with a rude gesture, and they shoved him to the ground, at which point Martin states he "went mad". Martin, to the surprise of his attackers, just so happens to be a WWI and WWII veteran, and a self-proclaimed practitioner of kung-fu. What happened next probably left the three teenagers scarred for life.
|My guess is that it went something like this|
|Here he is running a marathon, with a god damn cigarette in his hand|
|Getting his drink on...|
|Flirting at his 102nd birthday party. "No I swear, it still gets about THIS long!"|
#1 - The Geezer Who Cried Bear
James Wayndale and his father, Tom Wayndale, were out taking a hike near Edmonton, Canada. James, an avid sculpture maker, was looking for antlers to work on his current project. His father, who was 72 years old, is an avid wildlife expert and game expert. On the way back to their truck, they noticed a bear cub, and knew that shit was about to go downhill.
|Pictured: Shit going downhill|
Tom Wayndale is 72 years old, and he slayed a freaking grizzly bear by shoving his walking stick down it's enraged esophagus. I am led to assume that from that day forward, Tom was both respected and feared by bears across the world, assuming the position of a demigod.